Words may be overrated

I admit that I have spent much time in my "self talk" wondering if I have said the right thing. Nothing haunts me like a recent conversation being replayed. It reminds me of a stuck record (please bump the needle). Was it good? Was it right? Did I offend? Was I misunderstood? On and on the "tape" goes. Thanks to my BreakThrough experience with HeartConnexions I have tools to deal with such dread.

However, I had an encounter yesterday that puts my idea of conversation in a different perspective.

I went to eat Korean food alone since Bonnie has little appetite for such "heat." It was the place where I had blogged earlier about the waitress who watches out for us so we don't order the real hot stuff. To my disappointment she was not working last night. The last time I saw her was 7 weeks ago as Bonnie, Phuong, and I were dragging big suitcases down the sidewalk to the taxi to make our trip home. When we passed her restaurant she saw us with suitcases in tow. She came to the door and looked at us puzzled. She knew we were leaving. We tried to tell her we would be back in 7 weeks but I am sure she did not understand. We finally just waved to her and went our way.

On my way back from her restaurant yesterday I sat down on a short cement pillar to text message Bonnie when my waitress friend came walking towards me. She smiled at me as I stood up to greet her. For about 3 or 4 minutes we talked to each other. I spoke English and she spoke Korean. Neither of us knew what the other was saying. But we had a wonderful conversation. We laughed, smiled, talked, and made some hand gestures to help each other communicate but in the end words were really useless. We finally nodded at each other and she went her way to the restaurant and I went mine back to the dorm.

When I told Bonnie what had happened she laughed. We both thought it was rather amusing for 2 people to be standing on a sidewalk talking different languages and not understanding a thing the other said. Yet, we communicated.

Perhaps I spend too much time thinking about the correct usage of words and sentences. Sometimes it matters, of course. But other times, it seems that words are overrated. Our gestures and smiles at each other seemed to say it all very clearly. We were both very happy to see each other again. We had a heart to heart encounter without words. I felt I understood her meaning and I feel she understood mine.

In retrospect I am thinking how we may overrate words and fail to give enough emphasis to our body language. Words can be misinterpreted even when we do understand the language. Many times we allow our emotions or our biases to filter the conversation incorrectly. How many times have we had to apologize because we were misunderstood? How many times do we use a word only to live to regret it later?

Yesterday's encounter taught me that a smile and happy gestures are just as powerful as the correct words. I went away feeling accepted and welcomed even though no word that passed between us was understood. It is hard to misinterpret happy body language.

I have a challenge: let's have a happy silence day with our spouses sometime. Speak not a word to each other. Let everything be expressed through body language, facial expression and non- verbal communication. Buy candles and place them on the table at dinner time. Hug a lot. Smile at each other. Make happy gestures that need no words to explain. Cut out a paper heart and hand it to your spouse and smile big. Be creative. It might be fun. Your hearts may be warmed by each others creativity. I am learning in Korea to communicate in ways other than using words. It is quite a challenge but it is fun, especially when 2 hearts connect in a strange land. No interpreter needed!